Wedding Wednesday: Pinterest feature

Here's one of my favorite dresses from my wedding Pinterest board. :)

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Tidbit Tuesday: A tear-worthy tidbit

Instead of posting something of my own this week, I want to share a couple poignant lines from Bharati Mukherjee's famous short story The Management of Grief. I read this for class last semester and again this semester for my Forms of Fiction class. This story slays me. Absolutely kills me. I wont' spoil anything by explaining the quote. Either you know it from the story and you'll weep with me or it'll peak your interest and you'll go read it. 

"Then as I stood in the path looking north to Queen's Park and west to the university, I heard the voices of my family one last time. Your time has come, they said. Go be brave." 

Love, 

M

Musical Monday: Take Me Home, Country Roads

About a year ago I went to work with Ben (he's a barista) with the intention of writing a whole short story during his shift before we went back home. I was in the sort of writing mood which required music but I was tired of everything I had a playlist for so I went looking for something new. Spotify suggested John Denver based on my previous musical choices. I had heard Rocky Mountain High before because my Arabic grandfather is the biggest country music lover I know. 

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I started with the Best Hits album. Take Me Home, Country Roads was the first track and I was instantly in love. I wrote the whole short story that afternoon listening to that album  -- particularly to that song -- and watching my man at work. The lyrics to the song struck me and invoked that nostalgia that comes whenever I think of home. 

So last night, Ben and I were sitting in my living room after he'd gotten off work. It had been a bit of a stressful day and we didn't feel like doing or watching anything. Ben pulled up his Spotify and started playing that song from my playlist. Hearing that song made me super happy because I hadn't heard it in a long time and it reminded me of when I wrote a short story while sitting with Ben at work. 

Love,

M

Selfie Saturday: The Importance of Being Earnest

The more time I spend with people my own age, the more I see how sarcasm is becoming a universal language that everyone loves to be fluent in.

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 "Nah, just kidding", or some variation, seems to follow 75% of the conversation I hear these days. I've seen some almost-nasty arguments break out because the person on the receiving end of a sarcastic remark wasn't aware that the other person was 'just kidding.' On the surface, sarcasm doesn't seem like a big deal and maybe for some people it isn't. But I want to take a look at the antithesis of sarcasm and figure out why we don't use it as much as sarcasm and how being earnest makes you and the people around you happier and more fulfilled. 

*disclaimer: I am a sarcasm junkie. I have no room to preach at anybody. This post is for you just as much as it is for me.*

Three reasons why we shy away from being earnest

1. We're ill-equipped to handle the task of being earnest

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Let me paint a situation with which most of us are familiar. You're in some sort of group setting (a class, a meeting, a family gathering) and as conversation progresses, somebody admits or is all of a sudden made aware of some really sad news. 

And they start crying. 

*crickets* 

You internally start panicking because you have no idea what to do or say.  The presence of true emotion tends to make the majority of us - myself included - majorly uncomfortable. I think the reason for this is because we're all so engrossed in our own biting sarcasm (which, at its core, makes a farce of genuine human feelings) that we're not socially equipped to deal with a person who needs an earnest, loving response as opposed to an insincere, sarcastic one. I attribute this social ineptness partly to the prevalence of sarcasm in our culture. 

2. Saying too much in earnest can get you labeled as 'too sensitive' 

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I've definitely felt the pressure of choosing a sarcastic remark over an earnest one because there's always that one person who I know will make some sort of (probably sarcastic) comment about how I'm being a sissy. Women who express earnestness in their conversation are told to get ahold themselves and men are told they're acting like emotional chicks. 

*I could go into a much longer rant about the problem of women being classified as 'too sensitive,' but that's a post for another day*

Why are we afraid of being sensitive? When did being a sensitive, earnest person become a bad thing, for either sex? I think a lot of us think speaking in earnest makes others see us as emotionally weak and to that I say this: When you needed a sincere listener and an understanding spirit to hear you out when you were hurting, did you think your comforter (if you were lucky enough to have one) was being an oversensitive sissy by speaking kindly to you? 

3. Sarcasm is easier

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Let's be honest. When faced with a situation where sarcasm or earnestness are our options, most of the time it's easier to be sarcastic than to communicate in earnest. Putting your true feelings into words can be hard and make you feel uncomfortably vulnerable but when you consider the good it can do to others, you may be surprised by how much better you feel in the long run. Don't take the easy way out. Communicate in earnest. 

Three reasons why we should be more earnest

1. It improves your emotional health
I can speak to this personally. Sarcasm is a technique I often employ in conversation, but I've been learning how much it leaves me feeling awkward and unsure of my communication skills. If I use sarcasm in a conversation with Ben or with a coworker, I walk away from the conversation hoping that I didn't offend anyone or wondering if that person knew I wasn't being serious. It messes with my head and makes me reevaluate my motivations behind choosing sarcasm instead of earnestness. I've found that being honest and genuine in communication is good for the head and for the soul.

2. It strengthens your empathy
I think the closest trait the human race has gotten to superpower is empathy. Empathy is taking on the feelings of another person (regardless of whether or not you yourself have experienced that exact emotion) and feeling it as though it were on you. The ability to have empathy means you can see where others are coming from and understand them better. Using sarcasm severs the bond of mutual feelings when used toward another person. Because if John Doe comes to me with a situation that is upsetting him, and my reaction is a sarcastic comment, I've broken the trust that he once had to confide in me. He now knows better than to expect an earnest response from me. Being able to relate to one another is a gift and I believe using earnestness instead of sarcasm strengthens our empathy. Which means we'll be able to help and understand people better.

3. It improves your relationships with others

The world needs more people who can clearly communicate their true feelings because, honestly, those who can master earnestness in everyday matters are the best listeners, friends, parents, managers, employees, etc. Being able to speak to others without reverting to sarcasm lets them know you are considering whatever the subject may be with a genuine spirit, not with a biting attitude which essentially seeks to strip a situation of its emotional importance. I promise, speaking in earnest will beget a healthier, happier relationship with anyone. I know it's really hard to be intentionally less sarcastic (trust me, you're speaking to Queen Sarcasm), but your effort will make a lot of difference.

So, in short:

Be genuine.
 Limit sarcasm.
 And love people in earnest. 

Fashion Friday: Florals

Here's the outfit I wore on Sunday! :)

Dress: Target for $25
Boots: Target for $30

I love the floral print of this dress! It's not so overwhelmingly springy flower-y, but it's a great transition piece from winter to spring. Makes me happy. :) 

Thankful Thursday: Time

Today's post will be short and simple. I'm thankful for extra time. Today I got up early and was able to get all my homework done before 9AM (Thanks, Jesus) and thankfully had a decent amount of time to do the kind of writing I want to do. Being in school full time and working almost ~30-35 hours a week has left me ragged, tired, and always short a few hours of what I need to get everything done. So, today I'm thankful that there was time before the day started to work on my own writing projects. 

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Love,

M

Wedding Wednesday: Intro to dress silhouettes

Have you ever attended a wedding and thought that the bride's dress is absolutely perfect for her? I know I have, so today (or tonight, as it were) I'm going highlight the six basic wedding dress silhouettes and tell you which body types they best flatter. 

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1. A-line 

The a-line wedding dress is a very traditional look and, in my opinion, this silhouette flatters essentially every body type. An a-line dress will cinch at your natural waist and create a flattering hourglass shape by flowing away from the body. Girls who are, how to put this delicately, well-endowed upstairs should be cautious when looking at particular a-lines, because some (not all!) of them tend to be more fitted in the bust area. A lot of girls opt for the a-line because it is beautiful, yet simple. 

2. Trumpet/Mermaid

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The trumpet silhouette seems to be really popular these days and, if you ask me, it takes a very brave girl to choose it for her wedding day simple because of how fitted it is in the tummy, hips, and butt. This silhouette is very fitted from the bust all the way down to the knees where it flares out dramatically to look like a mermaid (or trumpet). The trumpet silhouette looks best on tall women or women with a defined hourglass shape.

3. Sheath 

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Ahh, sheath. My worst enemy. ;) The sheath silhouette is a foxy style, straight-down dress which is fitted from shoulder to ankle. This dress looks best on tall or short women who are fairly straight down or who have a defined hourglass shape. 

4. Ball Gown 

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The ball gown silhouette - or Disney Princess look, as I call it, is an attention-grabbing, Cinderella-esque sort of dress which can be very hard or very easy to pull off. A ball gown silhouette will be fitted in the bodice and then sort of explode into an array of lace and beans and glass slipper confetti after the waist. It looks good on tall girls who are more bottom heavy than top. Shorter girls with fairly proportional bodies (that is, the top half of their body is somewhat proportional to the bottom half of their body) have the tendency to become lost in this sort of dress. 

5. Short 

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Short dresses are not quite a silhouette but I really wanted to touch on them because they seem to be gaining more and more popularity as vintage clothing has become a bigger trend recently. Short wedding dresses can be absolutely fitting, but be careful and think about whether or not a short dress will fit your wedding. For instance, if your groom is in a full tux with tails, and the venue is in a swanky country club and your guests were given the option of tilapia or filet mignon, a short dress may not fit your wedding's style. Now, of course, it is your wedding and you get to do whatever you want, but I've found that shorter dresses tend to look best in less formal ceremonies (i.e., outside, small church, summery reception). Short dresses can be flattering to all body shapes and can be as short as the knee or go as long as your calves. Short dresses are sometimes more appealing to the women who really want to show off their shoes. 

6. Empire

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The empire waist is a tricky silhouette to pull off. It cinches right below the bust and is then straight the rest of the way down. It looks good on distinctly large or small women, but if you're somewhere in the middle, you risk looking heavier than you actually are. If you happened to be around for the "babydoll" shirts craze and hated the way they made you look as though you were carrying a baby, the empire waist may not be for you. 

There you have it. The six basic wedding dress silhouettes. Now, here's my spiel: If you are shopping for a wedding dress, do NOT limit yourself to one type of silhouette simply because you think you don't have the right body shape. A lot of the times, when we analyze what face or body shape we have, we're totally wrong! For the longest time, I though I had a heart-shaped face (because that's what I thought I saw when I looked in the mirror) and I would choose my haircuts and hairstyles based on that. I voiced what I thought my face shape was to my stylist one day and she told me that I actually have an oval-shaped face. 

All that to say, don't be afraid to try on different silhouettes because not all bodies are the same and even though you might technically be hourglass shaped, you might could still totally rock a sheath silhouette. You never know until you try!

I hope this little intro to wedding dresses was helpful! 

Til next time!

M