Selfie Saturday: The Importance of Being Earnest

The more time I spend with people my own age, the more I see how sarcasm is becoming a universal language that everyone loves to be fluent in.

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 "Nah, just kidding", or some variation, seems to follow 75% of the conversation I hear these days. I've seen some almost-nasty arguments break out because the person on the receiving end of a sarcastic remark wasn't aware that the other person was 'just kidding.' On the surface, sarcasm doesn't seem like a big deal and maybe for some people it isn't. But I want to take a look at the antithesis of sarcasm and figure out why we don't use it as much as sarcasm and how being earnest makes you and the people around you happier and more fulfilled. 

*disclaimer: I am a sarcasm junkie. I have no room to preach at anybody. This post is for you just as much as it is for me.*

Three reasons why we shy away from being earnest

1. We're ill-equipped to handle the task of being earnest

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Let me paint a situation with which most of us are familiar. You're in some sort of group setting (a class, a meeting, a family gathering) and as conversation progresses, somebody admits or is all of a sudden made aware of some really sad news. 

And they start crying. 

*crickets* 

You internally start panicking because you have no idea what to do or say.  The presence of true emotion tends to make the majority of us - myself included - majorly uncomfortable. I think the reason for this is because we're all so engrossed in our own biting sarcasm (which, at its core, makes a farce of genuine human feelings) that we're not socially equipped to deal with a person who needs an earnest, loving response as opposed to an insincere, sarcastic one. I attribute this social ineptness partly to the prevalence of sarcasm in our culture. 

2. Saying too much in earnest can get you labeled as 'too sensitive' 

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I've definitely felt the pressure of choosing a sarcastic remark over an earnest one because there's always that one person who I know will make some sort of (probably sarcastic) comment about how I'm being a sissy. Women who express earnestness in their conversation are told to get ahold themselves and men are told they're acting like emotional chicks. 

*I could go into a much longer rant about the problem of women being classified as 'too sensitive,' but that's a post for another day*

Why are we afraid of being sensitive? When did being a sensitive, earnest person become a bad thing, for either sex? I think a lot of us think speaking in earnest makes others see us as emotionally weak and to that I say this: When you needed a sincere listener and an understanding spirit to hear you out when you were hurting, did you think your comforter (if you were lucky enough to have one) was being an oversensitive sissy by speaking kindly to you? 

3. Sarcasm is easier

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Let's be honest. When faced with a situation where sarcasm or earnestness are our options, most of the time it's easier to be sarcastic than to communicate in earnest. Putting your true feelings into words can be hard and make you feel uncomfortably vulnerable but when you consider the good it can do to others, you may be surprised by how much better you feel in the long run. Don't take the easy way out. Communicate in earnest. 

Three reasons why we should be more earnest

1. It improves your emotional health
I can speak to this personally. Sarcasm is a technique I often employ in conversation, but I've been learning how much it leaves me feeling awkward and unsure of my communication skills. If I use sarcasm in a conversation with Ben or with a coworker, I walk away from the conversation hoping that I didn't offend anyone or wondering if that person knew I wasn't being serious. It messes with my head and makes me reevaluate my motivations behind choosing sarcasm instead of earnestness. I've found that being honest and genuine in communication is good for the head and for the soul.

2. It strengthens your empathy
I think the closest trait the human race has gotten to superpower is empathy. Empathy is taking on the feelings of another person (regardless of whether or not you yourself have experienced that exact emotion) and feeling it as though it were on you. The ability to have empathy means you can see where others are coming from and understand them better. Using sarcasm severs the bond of mutual feelings when used toward another person. Because if John Doe comes to me with a situation that is upsetting him, and my reaction is a sarcastic comment, I've broken the trust that he once had to confide in me. He now knows better than to expect an earnest response from me. Being able to relate to one another is a gift and I believe using earnestness instead of sarcasm strengthens our empathy. Which means we'll be able to help and understand people better.

3. It improves your relationships with others

The world needs more people who can clearly communicate their true feelings because, honestly, those who can master earnestness in everyday matters are the best listeners, friends, parents, managers, employees, etc. Being able to speak to others without reverting to sarcasm lets them know you are considering whatever the subject may be with a genuine spirit, not with a biting attitude which essentially seeks to strip a situation of its emotional importance. I promise, speaking in earnest will beget a healthier, happier relationship with anyone. I know it's really hard to be intentionally less sarcastic (trust me, you're speaking to Queen Sarcasm), but your effort will make a lot of difference.

So, in short:

Be genuine.
 Limit sarcasm.
 And love people in earnest.